This Week's eHarmony Fails...

Look, here's the thing. I joined eHarmony as an alternative to meet a bunch of drunk assholes in a bar. I mean, let's be honest here. DA's are good for making out when I'm also drunk and wearing vodka goggles, but don't call me tomorrow. Chances are I gave you a fake phone number anyway. (I just change one digit, but it does the trick. And no I will not tell you which digit I change.) But I digress.

Truth be told, there have been a few decent guys on eHarmony over the last few months (excluding, of course, the one who left for a month, while I waited, THEN dumped me unceremoniously upon his return...by text message...while he was shitting in the loo. Oh, did I leave that last part out? My mistake.) Anyway, so yeah, a couple of decent guys. In fact I'm chatting with one currently who has a great sense of humor, is finishing an MBA and works for a respected banking company here in Cincy. I'll meet him next week. High hopes that he actually looks like his pictures, because it might not be all bad. (That is NOT shallow, it's the truth. Would you date a guy who you weren't attracted to? Didn't think so.)

Ok, back to my original point for this post--the week's latest and greatest eHarmony Fails. It seems that eHarmony is becoming somewhat desperate to make sure I have matches in my inbox every day, because they are certainly NOT abiding by the preferences I have set and the levels to which I have set my preferences (which I have on the high end of importance).

Q: "Do you want eHarmony to send you matches that do not have photos?"
Me: NO. Profiles WITH photos only, please.
eHarmony: "Just kidding, here are some losers who refuse to post their pictures anyway."
Me: Gee thanks.

Q: "How important is level of education to you?"
Me: Very important.
eHarmony: Oh okay then, here are some matches with the following listed as their occupations (and I quote):

• fast food
• meijer merchandise stocker
• kroger overnight uscan operator

I must have missed the part where these occupations require extensive education, similar to the Masters degree that I worked my ass off to earn. Followed by a career where I work hard...to not be fired. Ha.

Aside from all of that, I have also received matches whose profiles reveal the following:

• 5'4" and resembles a leprechaun...occupation: retail.
• Occupation: I own a company that deals in currency, mostly foreign. (Umm, shady much?) He goes on to say later that he spends his leisure time: I work on my old car, it offers me humility and is always there to make sure I lose a little skin. (Um...ew.)
• Appearance suggests serial killer or child molestor. (See photos...the second is him with his ex-girlfriend. What a sweet couple. I cannot make this shit up.)

So there you have it. So far this week, eHarmony has been an exercise in entertainment...but not so much finding my..."THIS WILL BE...AN EVERLASTING LOVE." Yeah, eff you, eHarmony.

Have a great day.