Wednesday, November 10, 2010

DRUM ROLL PLEASE! An Open Post from My First Guest Blogger!

Meet the Mistress of New York City. A transplant who has put her roots down over the last couple of years and has recently delved into the deep dark caves of the dating underworld. Please help me welcome her as she submits her first post! Her own new blog will be up soon, and I'll guide you to it as soon as it's up and running. Enjoy, and thanks girl!

The #1 Text Dater
I've been in NYC for over 2 years but haven't dated because I wanted to get settled here first. But i decided I'm ready to date and joined a few sites, and I've talked to a few guys on both sites, but nothing turned into dates. I'm a big text messenger & I thought texting with a guy would be a fun, flirty and easy way to get to know someone. But now I've decided I need to stop DATING THROUGH TEXTING. Here is the 1st reason why.....

About 2 months ago, I finally started talking to someone I thought was interesting enough and he asked me out to dinner. We exchanged phone numbers a few days in advance and the "Text Dating" began.

I knew he worked in computers so I thought I asked him some advice about my computer.

I texted "My computer is running so slow lately. Do you know an easy way to clean delete unwanted stuff?"

He texted "What are the specs?" Right then he got all crazy, nerdy computer guy on me. He texted "You can bring your computer to our date & I can look at it."

I texted "I don't want to lug it around with me all day because I won't be able to go home between work and the date." but in all reality, WTF? Why would you want to fix a computer on the 1st date? Seriously?

The date finally came. I showed up and he was already at the bar. He was not what I expect... and not in a good way. All of his pictures on his profile were cute but just of his face. I'm not one to be superficial about that kind of stuff but he had larger birthing hips than me. Being a bigger girl all my life, I tend to be attracted to stockier guys, but the hips on this guy were uncalled for. Okay, I'm a bitch, whatever. I go to the bar and said hello. He smiled and said he's so excited to finally meet me. We have a 3 course meal and I drank 3 glasses of wine. I should of know I wasn't that interested in him when I was having more fun flirting with the cute gay waiter every time he came to our table.

I knew that "HIPS" lived in New Jersey, but I find out that he doesn't live right over the bridge, but like 45 mins into Jersey. He talked about how long it took him to get into the city. I don't mind dating someone who lives in Jersey but only if it's right on the other side of the river because how the hell am i supposed to get there if not. I don't own a car.


The conversation was fine. Nothing too exciting but there wasn't any awkward pauses or moments either. One thing I always ask on dates is... What's your deal breaker? Mostly because I want to tell them MY deal breaker to see their reaction. My deal breaker is: I can not date someone who is homophobic. I have too many gay and lesbian friends to even tolerate someone like that. Once I told him that, he told me he has a lot of gay friends and is completely cool with the gays. He also knew some "gay terms" like top, bottom & versatile. Which made me laugh. His deal breaker?? I can't even remember, so it wasn't that important, eh?

He paid for dinner, which was over $100 so that was a plus. He asked me if he could drive me home since his car is parked around the corner. I thought about saying no, but then realized my metro card ran out the day before, so I said he could. Hey, I needed to get home somehow! The car was really small and when we got into it, I wanted to be Chris Farley in Black Sheep singing, "Fat Guy in a Little Coat". He drove me home and we made small talk, nothing exciting. I had him pull up to my corner and drop me off there. He said, I'd love to see you again. I said, sure. (why did I say sure? I don't know. it just came out) Then I leaned over to him and pecked him on the lips! WHAT? Why did I do that?? I'll tell you why. Because every single time I'm with my gays, we greet and say goodbye to each other exactly like that. Damn It!

On my way upstairs get an text from him saying, "I had a great time. You are so beautiful. I'd love to take you out this week. Maybe a movie?" Okay, if you live in NYC you know how expensive movies are. It's $15 to see a movie at night, plus any snacks or popcorn, you are talking way over 25 bucks per person. So do I go out with him again, just to see a movie.... ummm.

I texted him back, "I had a nice time too. What movie are you thinking?"

He texted back, "Inception". Damn it, I've been wanting to see that movie for weeks now.

I text back, "Oh I've been wanting to see that. What night?"

He texted back,"Does Tues work for you?" Tuesday totally worked for me. Damn. Why did I say yes? Is it because I haven't been out on a date in over 3 years and I don't want to feel like a complete loser anymore... or am I just a bitch?

Three days later, I met him at the theater. He already bought our tickets online...score! He asked if we could share some popcorn. I love popcorn. He bought us popcorn and drinks. We sat in the back of the theater. His hips almost didn't fit. I'm a bitch for noticing that, I know. We watched the movie. I made sure to keep my hands in my lap, not giving him any opportunity to reach for my hand.

After the movie, he suggested we get a drink. I thought, why not. But instead, he choose a hummus place. We sat by the window and he ordered a large bowl. I wasn't even hungry because I ate way too much popcorn. This is where we get into the heavy stuff.

He started with... "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

I told him, "I don't really know. I know that I love living in NYC and I'll probably be here."

He asked, "What do you mean, you don't know? Everyone should have an answer to this question."

I said, "Well, sorry, I don't."

From that point, I was totally over this date. Why would you put down someone's answer? He kept talking and I kept smiling and nodding. He asked me if I wanted a ride home again, I said sure. He drove me home. He asked if I wanted to hang out again this weekend. I told him, I wasn't sure what my weekend looked like but maybe. He leaned in to kiss me and I gave him my cheek then hopped out of the car.

My roommate was home. We started hashing out the pros & cons of the night, when I got a text message.

"Are you just not into me?" he texted.

"I'm not sure how I feel. I would like to be friends though." I texted.

"Friends? I have enough friends. I don't understand how you can change your feelings about me after just seeing a movie." he texted.

"It was after the movie. All the stuff you talked about. It seems like you are a little too needy for me." I texted. What did I have to loose? It's not like I wanted to see this guy again.

There was a long pause and I thought he wasn't going to text me back, then I got....

"I am the least needy person you've ever met & if you stopped hanging out with only gay guys you might know the difference."

WHAT. THE. EFF? Seriously? There was no what-so-ever way I'm even considering going on another date with him now. I mean, really?? DEAL BREAKER! I didn't even give him the satisfaction of a reply. About 3 minutes later he texted again, "Yea, good luck ever finding someone. Don't contact me again." WHAT?!?! Thus ends the 1st TEXT DATER story.

1 comment:

  1. Doesn't meeting people like that make you feel so much more "normal?" He may say he's not needy but he's definitely a little insecure! Great post Jamie! Can't wait to check out your new blog!